Force	Description	Conditions	speed (mph)
0	Calm	Smoke rises vertically the "gaywing" isn't destroyed by wind	0 mph
1	Light air	Smoke drifts, kites don't, Kite Fliers sulk	1 - 3 mph
2	Light breeze	Leaves rustle; vane moved by wind, sod it - let's go down the pub	4 - 7 mph
3	Gentle breeze	Leaves in constant motion; light flag extend, sod it, we're still drinking	8-12 mph
4	Moderate breeze	Raises duct and loose paper; small branches move, it might be worth getting in another pint before getting up off your arse.	13-18 mph
5	Fresh breeze	Small trees sway; crested wavelets on inland water, why not scare the normal people ?	19-24 mph
6	Strong gale	Large branches in motion; whistling in telegraph and farting strings	25-31 mph
7	Mild gale	Whole trees in motion so you can show off now	32-38 mph
8	Gale	Breaks twigs off trees; impedes walking, puffs use brake lines	39-46 mph
9	Strong gale	Slight structural damage to buildings from kites	47-54 mph
10	Whole gale	Slight structural damage to buggys	55-63 mph
11	Storm	Large trees uprooted by kites	64-72 mph
12	Hurricane	Widespread damage occurs, and don't we know it !	73+ mph