|
As you see, we at Team ELF are lucky to have a webmaster who is so tolerant of other people's kite preferences. |
 |
|
Over the years we at Team ELF have been asked by "Joe Public" what sort of kite he should buy. Buying a kite is a very personal thing (for heaven's sake don't tell the wife how much it cost) and before making your purchase you have to make one very major decision about your kite-flying technique. Do you want to: |
|
|
|
Actually have the kite that is right for you and be able to fly it nicely, |
|
|
|
|
|
Impress/scare the "girly types" and "normal people" who are watching your feats of death defying bravado |
|
If you chose option "A": |
Go and talk to the man in the kite shop (Not just any shop that sells kites - look out for a specialist kite shop - sports shops will take your money & smile), or go to a kite festival, or a Team ELF fly-in. Have a go with various kites before spending money so you can chose the kite that is best for you. |
|
If you chose option "B": |
Well done - you've made the right choice! More decision - making criteria now come into play, and your choice must be influenced by: |
|
|
Exactly how much you want to impress the "girly types" and "normal people" who are watching - do you merely want to have them think what a sterling fellow you are, or do you want to reduce them to tears of admiration, fear or laughter ? |
|
|
how gullible your fellow idiots are - after all, you're going to try to get them to have a go, aren't you ? |
|
|
how stupid you are - you didn't spend £499 to leave it in the bag, did you? |
|
|
your own body weight - the more, the merrier !! |
|
|
wind speed - according to some schools of thought |
So it's a balance
between wasting time looking at stuff you can't afford, or
spending good money on something you won't
like. For example:
five minutes after Tina took this photo of "Yours
Truly & his latest waste of money", "Yours
Truly" was approached by a nice man who said that two
weeks before he'd spent £150 on a kite, the week before
he'd watched a Team ELF fly in, and that day he'd come to
tell us he'd spent £150 on something he now wishes he
hadn't bought. Or: Team ELF
was approached at Brighton Kite Festival in 2006 and asked
to help a chap. He'd seen the really good expensive kites
being flown, and he'd (in all honesty) wasted
£100 on a rubbish kite that he couldn't get to fly as
good as the more expensive ones. After all is
said and done, kiting is a game for those with more money
than sense. At the time of writing, Team ELF's petty cash
amounts to 27p, so we're well sorted. Anyway, back
to the plot..... you've sold a kidney
on eBay & mortgaged the wife. You're now ready to throw
money away. Here's what you might
meet at a Team ELF fly in...
Good Average Crap Our
"impartial assessor" has pointed & laughed at all of the
following kites, and The impartiality of our assessor can be
verified by our friends at Kent Kite Fliers, who greeted him
at a recent kite festival with the hearty cry of "Oi !! -
shouldn't you be dragging a tent around!"
In general terms,
kites come in four sorts - let's look at those sorts below:
I expect that it
says somewhere in the bible about one stringed kites being
the work of Satan. I'm told that with
these "objects", it's not so much what you've got, but how
much you wave it about that counts.You chuck it up in the
air. It flies. You hold the string. Be still my beating
heart!!! BORING !!!!!!! Oh behave !!. 0 0 0 300 + 0
Don't encourage them !!!! 0 -200 3 -200 Who cares
?
Just doing it to annoy the nice
webmaster !!!! 0 -200 3 -200 Who cares
?
Popular in Cheriton 10 -200 3 -200 Matt can do
it
Also popular in Cheriton 10 -200 3 -200 Matt can't do
it alone
Also popular in North
Folkestone 0 Guess
who put it up a tree -200 3 -200 who
cares
I can't stick 'em 0 Guess
who can't get it up -200 3 -200 pah
According to some authorities can be
flown inside a small tent at night. Don't fly well, but
makes tangles beyond your wildest imaginations. 0 Guess
who can't get it up - Unusual for her -2000 1 -2000 pah
Flies in almost zero wind, though why
you'd want to is anyone's guess 10 -2000 1 -2000 pah
It looks pretty. But then so does
several fit birds of the telly, but you don't tie them up
& fly them, do you ? (Now there's an idea) 10 -2000 1 -2000 pah
If all else fails, it has
propellors 0 Count
the lines Depends how the propellors
are doing 1 -2000 Easy -
VTOL
Fight, my aunt Fanny. You fight to get
it in the air, and fail miserably. 0 Count
the lines Don't know - it don't
fly it don't fly -2000 it don't fly
Technically speaking, it only has one
string 3 5 1 6 need
help Again, it only has one string to hold
on to 3 10 1 10 need
help
It might only has one string to hold
on to, but it is a club kite 3 5 1 10 can be
done Again, it only has one string to hold
on to, but the colour allows anything to happen. 3 10 1 10 can be
done Which, after
all, is where we all started with kites, wasn't
it. It's a shame - his first go at his own
kite as well.... 0 0 0 0 tee
hee We'll have another go
later...
Needs VERY fine
control.... 4 - need some
skill 2 - not a power
kite 0 - it's a delta, der
!! 0 - needs skill easy
Blinking tricky !! the lines have got
to be within 0.00000000000000005 of an atomic radius apart
or it just spirals. 0 ?? ?? 0 easy Sounded like a good
idea at the time. You'll buy one of these as your first
"proper" kite & you'll soon regret it. Before we get sued by
Flexifoil let's qualify that...They are good fun, VERY good
fun, but had we known about the Vipers, Skytigers &
Blades at the time of purchase... For just a few hundred
pounds more you can get something so much better. And they are two lines
short ! Our WebMaster's first "proper" kite.
Manageable by smaller maniacs in even more moderate winds,
it doesn't pull *that* much and it won't have you over.
Ideal to learn how to handle bigger kites, or to pull a
buggy in storm force winds (We know - we've been
there) but you'll soon outgrow it, or just have it as an
add-on to a stack 8 - very fast 2 - not really
strong 2 - heavy 0 Need
help Neither one thing nor another. It's
half way between a Stacker Six and a Super 10. You'll end up
having it as an add-on to a stack 7 3 1 - heavy 0 Ease of launching Need
help It's a good all round kite. Manageable
in lower winds, with some serious stick as the wind picks
up. But the spar does make it heavy. 6 4 0 5 Ease of launching Need
help It's what you want it to be - add on
as much as you want, and then some.... Seriously, though it looks a lot
better than it handles. 5 - the stack is awkward and
heavy Just keeps getting
better 0 5 + Ease of launching Need lots of
help When you die, this
will be the sort of kite they will be flying in heaven.
Which is nice really, as you'll probably be in heaven
because you stuffed up flying one of these, so you get to do
it again properly. And if you stuff it up again, what's the
worst that can happen - you're already croaked - where are
you going to go? - Cheriton ?
Very delicate handing - the Revolution
of the power kite world 9 - fast 2 7 1 easy It didn't go up. Which is unusual for
me...... 8 - fast 2 7 1 easy Very fast - gives some stick - shame
it's flown on a "gaybar". Can be flown on handles, but some
just prefer the "gaybar" 8 - fast 4 7 1 easy It's very fast and good fun, but has
speed rather than pull. Which is fine for those who like
speed. Personally our impartial assessor likes a good
tug. 8 - fast 2 7 1 Ease of launching easy We're told it's a training kite for
kiteboarding. It's not going to pull your arms off, but
flown with a bar it's very fast and good fun 5 - tricky with a
pole 3 7 1 Ease of launching easy Well I bought Angel Sweatness one for
her birthday. And it lifted our WebMaster. 8 7 7 5 Ease of launching easy Several of our members got these from
the shop in Whitstable - flew them once and then sold them
on eBay. They aren't bad kites, but you get what you pay
for. 8 4 6 4 Ease of launching easy It's very fast and good fun, but has
speed rather than pull. That is, in low winds. Would like to
fly it in stronger winds !! 7 - fast 3 7 3 Ease of launching easy Fast as a fast thing and pulls like a
thing that pulls a lot. 6 12 10 15 Ease of launching Easy Based on what slows the space shuttle
on landing - it PULLS, but being a single skin it don't fill
with sand. Trouble is it flies as well upside down as right
way up, so bringing it down can be a problem. 8 8 6 8 Easy Fast, powerful kites. If you absolutely must fly a kite that
is two lines short, then this is the one. 6 7 6 10 Easy Bigger than the Symphony, but doesn't
pull as much. Comes as a four line kite - flies as a two
liner as well. though heaven only knows why you'd want to do
that. 6 5 5 4 Ease of launching Easy Pulls like stink, but again like the
smaller versions, the temptation is to use a "gaybar". The
fat-arsed kite weight ™ is an optional extra 6 10 10 10 Ease of launching Easy A good kite - has survived being
pranged 20 feet up a tree and then being ripped out. Not
that we'd recommend you do that with yours... 6 15 10 15 Ease of launching Easy Billed as the poor man's Blade. Still
costs over £100, but never mind, you can recoup most of
the money you wasted on it when you sell it on eBay &
then go and buy the Blade you should have bought 8 12 5 15 Ease of launching Tricky Comes with kite killers. Can't be
bad. 6 15 10 20 Ease of launching Easy Being a single skin it don't fill with
sand. The 3.1 totally knacked Lukewarm, so getting him to
buy the 4.8 was quite a result. Trouble is it flies as well upside
down as right way up, so bringing it down can be a problem.
7 25 10 20+ Easy Billed as THE power/traction
kite, after all is said & done, it's got some serious
welly. Look out for that gust !! 5 25 10 20+ Easy Our WebMaster wanted a Viper for some
time, and when the nice man at the kite festival started
selling them at half price he couldn't really say no. But it
ended up on eBay - being so long it tends to fold in the
middle. 6 15 10 20+ Easy He's found out how to inflate it
properly and in no wind it took two of us to hold the thing
down. We're expecting the worst. 3 - tricky with a
pole 25 6 50 + Ease of launching Easy Fun in low winds - but it's a "big
boy" kite - you need a lot of body weight to hold the thing
down. 6 30 + 10 50 + Easy When the nice man at the kite festival
started selling them at half price Brian couldn't really say
no. 6 20 10 50 + Easy Well, there wasn't anyone there to
stop him 7 1000 + 10 100+ Easy Again, there wasn't anyone there to
stop him, but it flies in almost zero wind. 7 1000 + 10 100+ Ease of launching Easy Akela from cubs made this nine square
metre play sail. Surprisingly it doesn't pull that much. But
as an experience for youngsters to have a go at power
kiting, it can't be bettered. 10 6 4 10 Ease of launching Tricky This really is silly !! Don't be daft ! 10000000000000000 0 300 + Ease of launching 0
Or better still,
make like our new friend from Essex who drove for an hour to
a kite festival just to ask our "impartial assessor" how
best to fly a one-stringed kite.
So, the link said
"what kite", so what kite should you get ?
Send in your recommendations !!!